Recently, I had to undergo an episode of life where I am tested, as an individual who lost almost everything I had worked on the past years. From wealth, credibility, principles, and well-being. I almost lost the fight! As stable as I look externally, internally, anxiety and depression hits differently.
... so how did it happened?
It started when I embraced comfort, develop a habit of not thinking in first-principles — and just merely enjoying life, without the thoughts of tomorrow. Got used of bad spending habits thinking my earning will outlast my desire to go "yolo", got used of settling down on what is there without being grateful about it, and got used of time as if I have the luxury of it. In other words, I was living a "wishful-thinking" type of life. Then, my laptop broke, lost my assets kept inside it, had to used a slower machine for my work, freelancing contract ended, went on selling the remaining tangible resource I have, hell breaks loose.
... and what had it taught me?
Reflecting back as to what happened, how it went that way, why the results came out the way it was, I realized that I have gone into the same cycle of life experience I had to overcome circa 2014. It was somewhat a reminder of the past, that came in a total package, delivered in front of my door. And I only knew about it when it was already late — when almost everything was lost, including life.
Searching for answers, I began talking to the people I highly respect and trust, listen to podcasts that talks about self-development, and journaling (a thing I always do in the past). Within the short span of time, I began seeing myself again, recognized the areas I need to work on, and the root cause of the problems I have to worked out. I couldn't be more thankful of these recent happenings in my 30s that has helped me gain a larger perspective in viewing life and everything that comes along with it.
I learned I was still fortunate, for I had people around me providing aid to my needs. These people came to my life in different shapes and form, came from different walks of life, came timely with a purpose. I wouldn't have thought that their existence comes in a great stretch, that they gave importance to my cry for help. And I will forever be grateful to those who didn't turn their backs when I was drowning in miseries.
... and what did it left me?
I get reminded that I was once a goal chaser, an exhibit that some admire and look-up to. A passionate learner with a burning desire to share the lessons I acquired in overcoming life's challenges and the discoveries on things I'm passionate about. A responsible individual who's not afraid to admit when he's wrong, and cleans up his own mess in whatever circumstance possible. A reasonable forward-thinker, that aims to not dwell more of the past but extracts the lessons of it for tomorrow.
I am still a work in progress, but this time, I'm adding more bets to myself more than anyone else. The cycle of life that I've been through didn't kill me, so it'll indeed make me strong. More so, prepares me for a better future with equanimity.
... so what to do now?
Return the favors I got, with interest for the trust given. Pay-up the debts that I owe to those who extended help. Revisit my know-how in trading stocks and crypto, so I could accelerate building a stronger financial foundation. Go back to working full-time and be a service to a company that needs my skill-sets and expertise. Upskill in being a devops engineer. And lastly, be a better father to my kids.
I only failed, but I am not a failure. And learning from failing is the way to go.
